So here we are, not only being nagged to lose weight by my kid sister, I have been nagged from elsewhere to start one of these diaries. Starting dairies might be more profitable in the long run, and tastier.
Who am I? Good question. I don’t know the answer myself at times but for the record I’m nearly 50 year’s old, still live in my town/city of birth (it changed over in 1969), not having moved anywhere unlike my globetrotting sister. I work for as a pen pusher for a well known local authority in the area and have done since leaving school way back in 1979 when Oliver and his Army were on their way and here to stay. No, not Cromwell’s, I’m not that old, though my Clooney/Ginola/Lineker-esque hair colouring may make me seem older. I would have added Philip Schofield to the list but that would make it a silly comparison. More about me as the diary moves on over the weeks and months if that’s ok folks.
Everyone says it when asked. Or maybe it’s an easy answer as New Year’s Resolutions are meant to be broken by the time daylight comes around each 1st January. “I’m going to lose weight”. Sounds easy doesn’t it. Eat less and eat better, drink less, exercise more. As Brucie would say “That’s all there is to it”.
Let’s get the excuses out of the way first
Eat less – I’m a bloke. Blokes don’t eat “less”. Big plates are made for a reason. Imagine once my chagrin when, after a lengthy day traipsing through the French countryside and eventually finding a restaurant, my Steak and Pommes Frites turned out to be the equivalent of a Ross Frozen Steaklet with a Pomme Frite in a huge, flat soup bowl. And in the best tradition of Nouvelle Cuisine it was drizzed (drizzled indeed!!) with a wavy line of some concocted juice, probably the dregs of an orange juice carton. Advance warning - here comes a related joke and you’ll be getting many of these in the future! Garcon to weary, very disappointed, still very famished traveller “’ow deed you find your steak monsieur?” I know I know you’re ahead of me on this one! Monsieur to Garcon “Well I lifted the pomme frite and there it was hiding” Clap your hands and stamp your foot in a forward fashion, and take half a bow. (would prefer a pint of Bow but that’s another matter); congratulations not only have you enjoyed the joke you have also burned up .0001 of a calorie – it all counts!
Eat better – What can be better than chips, crisps, sausage rolls and pastys? End of argument. Next
Drink less – I don’t drink much anyway. Maybe 4-8 cans and a bottle of wine a week. No pop. I rarely go on evenings out with the boys or work, and even if I did 6 pints would be my limit before I started calling on Huey and Ralph in the toilet.
Exercise – that’s a 2 x 4-letter word! More on this (and I suppose I’ll have to revisit the Eat Better section above) and more from me next time. Toodle-loo
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